Kim,Chang Jin. CTA

We are having a relationship with others every day. What people concern is toexpect the situation goes the direction they want. Some times it works well butsometimes there is a conflict because of discrepancies in opinion.

In this case if we can change others it can be called “successful” inrelationship. Understanding human being instinct results in success inrelationship.  It is not followed by just knowledge.

The Analects, Mencius, Han Fei Tzu, The Art of War etc as Chinese classicalliterature were written by deep insight meditation in the warring statesperiod.

For the reason They are still guide teaching us the wisdom in relationship inmodern times passed 2000 years from the period. As a guide it is same with “relationship”by Dale Carney in this aspect.

I'dlike to introduce 10^th methods of “relationship with human“ writtenby Dale Carney in this month also.

* The 10^thmethods to change others.

Is there any method to make change stubborn people? I am hated from others causedby myself and frustrated because I don't have ability to change others.

To change others I should change myself first. If you can't move mountain, move yourself !

1.Praise others 

Praise others with sincere heart. Don't say “but”. If you say “but” to criticize, peoplewill doubt your praise. Show your expectation saying “and”.

For example “ John. your record is increasing and if you work harder you will beprogressed more.” Instead of saying “ John I am happy for your record increasedbut…”

•Everybody is nervous when they startto work at first. They can be frustrated by little criticism.

2. Criticize with the method we are not hated.

Don't criticize directly causing hostility. If you sayothers' fault indirect way, you will be loved. People will be shame when theyget favor instead of criticism in spite of their violating regulation. Support and encourage them even if they are deserved criticism.

There is a person who save others' face and making noticetheir fault.

There are few people doing this, most of people criticizeand blame others.

Direct criticism hurt others feeling causing their anger. Blame can't make situation better, use the method to increase their motivation. Then they will fix their fault.

Tolerance is more effective than criticism. This attitudecan change others effectively than criticism.

3. Tell your fault first.

Don't think that you are not be loved by others because oftelling your weakness. People will accept your weakness and reveal their weakness too. People feel comfortable with unperfect person.

* Don't judge others with your own standard.

Unexperienced person can not act like diplomat. Don't hurt their self esteem pointing out their low intellectual level. There is not perfect person.

* If you are humble and praise others, even they are arrogant they will be changed as true friend. Use humbleness and praise, youwill see unexpected miracle. They will listen to you.

* If you find your fault you should fix it properly but ifyou are stubborn without accepting it, it will become give others excuse.

4. There is no one to be ordered.

If you order others with harder tone, it is revealing lack of dignity. 

* Don't intrude your opinion upon others.

5. Save others' face.

Everybody has self-esteem. People will fight to keep it.

* Hurting others self-esteem is regarded as crime. If they make mistakes they know it themselves very well than you. Show them tolerance than scolding them. They will be impressed by your attitude and will realize on their mistakes.

* People take honor very seriously. Sometimes throw their life to keep it.

If you hurt their honor they will be your enemy. Although they don't become enemy they will not have good feeling on you.  

6. Encourage them to be successful.

We give tigers in circus meat when they performed well. It can be applied to people also. Praising is better than scolding. Praise others for small improvement. Praising is powerful.

*Everybody has talent. When they find it they can be successful but they can't find it they will be failure. Don't ignore others.Their job they are involved in is only inappropriate for them, if they findright direction they will show their ability.

* Everybody wants to be credited for their work.  Look back your life. Have you ever take a turning point dueto a few praise from others ? Do you thankful for them? Now it's your turn to be the person.

7. Give them good reputation.

Call them good name like a girl with full ash as “Cinderella”. Everything will be changed newly.

* Call a thief as “ Sincere man”, swindler as a gentleman. The thief and swindler will be good people to keep their good reputation.

* People will work harder to live up to others'expectation. They will do their best not to leave an indelible stain on their reputation.

8. Give them authority.

There is no power to raise “will” than giving them authority. People think of authority as great value. People like to think themselves equivalent to great man by having power and authority. Give them authority and it will make arise great power.

9. Weakness can be easily changed.